How many of us have watched in amazement and disgust this week as Elizabeth Lambert of the University of New Mexico women’s soccer team assaulted players from Brigham Young University’s team?  First, pulling a player down by her ponytail, then administering karate chops to the face of a player on a “tackle” and more.  After her reprimand she passed her play off as “misbehavior resulting from the pressure of play.”   People who know me as a girl’s youth soccer coach and proponent of girls in sports have asked: What is women’s soccer coming to?  Whatever happened to the beautiful game?

Let me shout load and clear, it’s alive and well on a soccer field in Reston, VA in an all star tournament hosted by the Herndon Youth Soccer Club this weekend.  Two teams of under 13 girls competed for the championship.  Chantilly vs Vienna.  The title game got a late start on Sunday evening. It was the culmination of a weekend that started Saturday morning before 8am for both teams.  The sun was setting and the field lights illuminated the purple and white jerseys, 11 a side.  Anxious parents and families pressed close to the touch lines, some holding video cameras, some just longing to be closer to the action.  The referees kindly allowed these minor transgressions.

As the air temperature dropped, the action heated up.  Chantilly drew first blood, early in the 1^st half.  Right wing Natalie finished a perfect cross from her left wing teammate Ana and Chantilly took a 1-0 lead into half time.  Vienna fought back, driving through midfield and threatening in the Chantilly box but came up empty as Chantilly dug deep and regained its composure.  The momentum shifted.  Chantilly found the back of the net twice in the second half.  The final score: 3-0, Chantilly.

The girls in purple celebrated and the girls in white commiserated.  Then they line up along the midfield line to exchange patches, high fives and wish each other congratulations.  At once and with no instruction Vienna players turned to make a tunnel chanting for Chantilly to run through.  Purple complied and then returned the favor.  Spontaneously a smattering of applause rose from parents and families watching from both sidelines recognizing the sportsmanship of the moment.

Yes, these players have competed hard and won fairly and within the rules.  But there was more. I think particularly of Natalie who, having already scored once, had another opportunity from the same spot.  This time, her shot careened off the head of a defending player and rebounded back near Natalie’s feet. Instead of capitalizing on her good fortune, she stopped playing to see if the defending player was alright.  On a similar play some minutes later, her teammate Sophia did the same.  Some coaches will tell players “Play to the whistle” or “Keep playing to seek your advantage.”  But these girls adhere to a higher authority which tells them “Do unto others as you would have them do to you.”  They play to win, but not at all costs.  They walk away from the field with friends in both color uniforms.  Both teams did so on this day.

The Chantilly girls discovered something in their game they didn’t know they had on this chilly evening in November.  And they couldn’t have done it without the strong opposition from a very talented Vienna team.  Both teams gathered to cheer each other as they were awarded tournament trophies.  Parents, siblings and extended family stood behind the teams and joined in the celebration.  There was a lot to cheer for.

My response to our media screaming “what has women’s youth sports come to?” is to point them to two teams of pre-teen girls who won’t gain national attention.  But they are much more deserving.  It’s a simple equation: good players, good sports, a good combination.  Congratulations ladies.  My hat’s off to you. It’s glorious to watch you play such a beautiful game. 

I was stretching with my U13 soccer team after a scrimmage.  Through a chorus of moans and evident wincing one player told me, “Coach, no one in my class can touch their toes.”  Her teammates nodded in agreement. Yep, tight muscles in longer limbs are natural when they’re growing.  But does that mean pain is on its way? 

The term “growing pains” used to refer to the aching joints (usually knees) of high school boys who sprouted several inches in just a few months.  Now, so many kids have pain in their growing years, I often get asked: “is it just growing pains?”  The implication: this is something they will grow out of, right?

Well, our 9-15 year old athletes are experiencing more chronic or long-lasting pain.  And it is commonly focused in areas where growth is occurring. Interestingly, their non-athletic classmates don’t have the same pains they do.

Athletes involved in running, cutting and jumping sports (like soccer, basketball and track and field) are predisposed to Osgood-Schlatter’s disease (pain below the knee cap) and Sever’s disease (pain in the back of the heel). These both occur where new bone is being laid down at sites where large muscles attach. Not coincidentally, these are the muscles we are asking our kids to work ever harder in their sports.  Attended to right away, these conditions respond well to conservative treatment: ice, rest and moderation of play.

The problem: our kids don’t want to rest and we say we “can’t afford” to limit our key players.  Unfortunately, this attitude increases recovery time.  To help our athletes through this time of great demand we need to:

• Rest them.  Insist they play fewer minutes and at reduced intensity.
• Teach proper stretching and be sure they perform it after proper warm up and after play. (consult www.Fit2Finish.com for proper form)
• Encourage bi-lateral and gradual strengthening apart from play. (consult www.Fit2Finish.com for proper form)
• Have them consult a health professional if the pain persists even after they have rested.  Have them return to play gradually and only when they can do so without pain.

Our kids are growing; this makes them fragile.  They are being pulled in many directions; this can make them break. Growth handled in a healthy way makes them stronger, fitter and more able to play.  It shouldn’t be painful.  Let’s be patient.  Growth is not a disease.  It’s our goal.

We’re seeing an alarming trend among coaches of elite athletes in all sports today: recruiting their talent rather than building it.  After all, in an environment that celebrates winning above all else, teaching the fundamentals takes too long. Why develop talent when you can recruit it?  Why spend time in injury prevention drills, strengthening and fitness when you can quickly replace the injured player with a healthy one?

Why?  Because these are kids, not commodities.  Treating them as something to be thrust aside when something better comes along is devastating now and for the future.  And to the favored player it says, you’re worthwhile only while I can use you.  Go ahead and step on everyone else on your way up, but watch your back.

Investing time and energy in teaching the game and all it has to offer our young athletes is expensive.  It costs our time, patience and energy.  Some might say our blood, sweat and tears.  But it’s worth it, and not just in the long run.  It has payback now.  We get to watch these young people grow in healthy directions, plus, if we let them they’ll teach us how to be better teachers and coaches.  They’ll even grow us into the parents they need and we’re supposed to be.  That’s a pretty big return on our investment. 

So let’s dedicate ourselves to developing our young athletes so we don’t lose them from sport.  Let’s build them for the future, which likely won’t include a professional team paycheck.  But when they pay our investment forward, giving back to the teams and the kids and the sport, that’ll be a pretty hefty payday. 

Let’s train up what we’ve been given and be satisfied.  Because trading, as Wall Street has so recently shown us, is a dangerous and risky business.

I had a disconcerting phone conversation with a friend and fellow “soccer parent” the other day.  She said her daughter is “on the bubble” between the ‘A’ and ‘B’ team.  They are waiting to hear which team she will be playing for.  The parent told me that it is likely she won’t make the ‘A’ team because her daughter has chosen to listen to her body and not run the fitness mileage ‘until she’s nauseated’ as has been prescribed by her coach.  The coach is a successful local college coach.  The athlete is 11 years old.

“She’s done all that’s been asked,” pleads the Mom.  “Followed the ‘party line.’  She has attended all practices, worked hard at all of them, shown good sportsmanship, acted as a team leader.”  “But,” says the Mom, “she is not reaching her potential on the field.”   She fears her daughter will be passed over because, in real life, we give lip service to the qualities we admire but recognize and reward talent and successful skill.  And already, this real life is playing out in U13 travel soccer.

I assured the mother that what she was doing and the choices her daughter was making, to take care and listen to her body, were the right ones.  That they would pay dividends down the road.  That when other girls were burned out or getting injured, her daughter still would be there.  Still standing and, perchance, smiling. 

But then came the reality.  “Yes, I know,” sighed the Mom.  “But she will be devastated if she doesn’t make the A team.  She thinks she’s no good if she doesn’t.”

And therein is the truth that this ultracompetitive and ultra-selective environment is creating for our very young women: that what is to be desired and celebrated is maximizing and not growth, outcome and not effort.  It’s professional sports trickling down into the youth sports environment.  Character has only minor value if you don’t also have the best shot, most speed and great moves.  We say we want a team player when what we’d rather have is a star with tolerable team skills.

This is especially devastating, in my experience, with young women who are so eager to please.  Who find their own value in the eyes of others who commend and admire them.  Who feel they must be the best in order to deserve our love and praise.  This, I fear, is coming from our culture.

Girls are breaking into all the realms of sports that formerly only were men’s and they are playing the games as well and as successfully.  But they are bringing the women’s perspective which has trouble separating success and self-worth.  If they fail, they fear, something must be wrong with them.  Their effort too little, their skills lacking, their mental toughness needing work.  Men dismiss losing quickly: the sun was in my eyes, the other team had a ringer, or even those other guys cheat.  For girls, it is different.  If they win, they are good.  If they lose, they are worth-less.

We must recognize this female mindset in our young women athletes.  Call it out.  Help them separate the two things: their game and their value.  And perhaps, given this, introduce a new mindset to developing girls’ teams.  One which banks on effort and growing potential which is free from the fear of being replaced when the younger, faster, better-looking kid comes along. 

Let’s leave that for the grown ups…who might be well-served taking a hard look at this themselves.

Victory At What Price?

A 1997 Sports Illustrated article* painted a scary picture of the motivations and standards behind a sampling of American athletes.  They reported the results of a poll of 198 Olympians and aspiring Olympians.  The athletes were queried based on two scenarios. 

First, you are offered a banned performance-enhancing substance with 2 guarantees: 1) You will not be caught. 2) You will win.

Would you take it?  195 athletes said yes.  3 said no. 

Second, you are offered a banned performance-enhancing substance that comes with two guarantees: 1) You will not be caught.  2) You will win every competition you enter for the next five years, and then you will die from the side effects of the substance.

Would you take it?  More than half of the athletes said yes.

What a statement this article makes about how much athletes value winning.  What they are willing to risk.  How little they value themselves, their health.  With what disregard they treat their opponents and the game.   

Is it really any surprise, then, that a decade later there are so many professional athletes in hot water for using banned substances in professional sports?  What is their reasoning? “I’ll never get caught.” “Everybody is using them.”  “Just a little help to stay on top for one more season.”  “It won’t really affect me the way they say.”

The East German Olympic coaches took this risk 3 decades ago when they experimented with these substances in their athletes.  Now this population suffers hugely increased rates of cancers, infertility, depression, eating disorders as a result.  Even with this evidence, the incentive to gain the slightest competitive advantage in sports is still overwhelming.  So much so that both amateur and professional sports bodies have seen the need to regulate these substances, “to protect these athletes from their own instincts,” says Jim Bouton, a retired NY Yankees pitcher.

Is this our instinct?  Is this how we are created?  Or do we have the capacity to rise above temptation and compete according to the rules?  To do the right thing, even when no one is watching.  Even when there is a lot at stake?  After all, if we cheat to win, what have we really won?

How about you?  Your friends?  How would you answer in the 2 scenarios?  How much is winning worth to you?  How valuable is life and health and self respect?  What kind of person is your sport helping you become?  

I believe athletic competition can speed us in the right direction, if we respect the process, and trust the Processor.  

*Michael Bamberger and Don Yeager, “Over The Edge,” Sports Illustrated, April 14, 1997.

Got Milk?

It’s been a popular ad campaign.  “Have you had your milk today?” spoken in pictures of celebrities, sports figures, models.  They wore the familiar milk mustache.  Drink your milk because it builds strong bones and strong bodies, they tell us.  I think to myself: I hope my kids are reading this and listening.  I have pleaded with them to drink their milk and chew those calcium supplements.  After all there is only a narrow window of years (maybe til we’re 25?) where the calcium we ingest gets laid down as new bone.  After that it’s just a battle to keep from losing it too quickly. 

I got to thinking about these ads when I went for my bone densitometry scan today.  First time.  “Baseline scan” my doctor told me.  I lay, looking at the laser which would measure the bone density of my hips and my spine.  I wondered what it would find.  I hadn’t always drunk my milk, eaten my yogurt and taken my calcium supplement.  I could lie about this to my mother.  Even to myself.  But I couldn’t lie to this machine.  It could look inside me.  It would know the truth.

I wondered about this knowledge and even greater things, hidden in the heart of the One who created me.  The one who knew me, inside and out.  How often had I pretended I did what was best?  How often had I acted one way but knew, in my heart, the right thing and failed to do it.  No one would know.  No one except the One who could see me on the inside.

It really is quite miraculous that as the Bible says, even though God knows every word before it’s on my tongue, that He loves me anyway.  And not just the density of my bones but the depth of my heart.  I am completely transparent to Him.  A uniquely humbling thought.  But one I pray daily will inspire me to be better, to grow stronger.  And perhaps a bit more forceful about getting my kids to drink their milk!  Both the kind that strengthens their bones and the kind that nourishes their spirits.

Under Their Own Power

While I was out for a walk I came upon a young father coming out of the driveway behind his toddler son who was on one of those big plastic tricycles that has the handle behind for pushing.  The son signaled the direction he wanted to go with his right arm and pointer finger.  Upon being pushed that way, he signaled his entry into traffic using the bell on his handle bars.

As I approached I said, “Wow he’s got honking and signaling down already.”

“Yeah, now if there could be some self propulsion” the man replied rather glumly.

I looked down to see the boy, his feet resting firmly on those unmoving pedals.  He smiled up at me as if to say “Why pedal, when I have someone to push me?”

In that instant I saw the plight of so many parents.  We want our kids to learn and grow to be self-sufficient, and all the while we are preventing their success by applying  the effort for them.  These days we usually do need to provide the environment, maybe the equipment, and often some instruction.  And we may need to offer them some help getting started because there is inertia in getting those pedals going.  But then we need to give them our best gift: support from a distance.

Only with their efforts achieving little successes in the midst of life’s struggles can they discover themselves capable.  Before you know it they’re self-propelling!

Stretching Develops Flexibility in Body and Mind

 I often get the question: when should I stretch?*

The short answer is: After your workout.  After your game.  After your run.  There are 2 main reasons for this. 

One is physical:  after exercise is when your muscles are warm and supple.  Stretching afterwards allows them to lengthen, that is, go back to the length they were before you shortened them doing all that exercise.  This is healthy for the muscle and speeds its recovery.  Stretches held for 30 -60 seconds can even increase the amount of flexibility in the joint.

The second is mental/emotional: taking time to stretch provides a transition for the athlete, from the fury of movement, to the calm of stillness.  And this is not just a physical phenomenon.  There are many emotions pent up in the play of a game.  Win or lose, the whole athlete needs time to let these emotions play out.

I find, whether I work with youth or adult athletes, that we are excited to get right out there and jump into our game or our sport or our workout.  But we rarely leave time afterwards for the transition, for the stretch.  In our freneticness we move from one thing to the next at breakneck speed.  But we fail to realize that the growth, the learning, the comprehension and the insight tend to come in the calm after activity.  In the quiet of stretching and resting.  In the care-taking of our bodies. A sort of thanks to them for the effort they just offered up.

So coaches, why not circle your players up after the game and let them be.  Show them the basics of stretching out the muscles that just worked so hard, and sit quietly while they do.  (for sample stretches see my website: www.Fit2Finish.com)  There will be plenty of time at the next practice to go over how things could be better.  And who knows, in this transition stretching time, they may just come up with some great game insights of their own.  Ask ‘em!

*caveat: dynamic stretching, that is using your muscles through their whole range of motion, prepares them for activity.  This should be done in a controlled fashion before exercise.

LIFE ON SUNDAYS

A popular T-shirt reads: “Soccer is life. The rest is just details.” I would have worn this T-shirt when I was growing up. Athletics brought identity, order and discipline to my life. And the discipline I learned there, I brought to life’s other pursuits.

Cut to today. My kids wear this T-shirt. And in spite of the Christian path I long for them to travel, spring and fall soccer often takes precedence on Sundays. I have observed that we are not alone in this in Northern Virginia. I hear other families asking when they can fit church in, given the soccer schedule.

I don’t want my kids to think that all of life is soccer. I want them to hear the promise that Jesus is life. Yet, soccer does have a lot to teach them, as it did me. Soccer speaks to them in a way they can hear. Does God, who speaks to each of us in our own language, speak soccer?  When I look at His 10 basic life instructions, I think so:

X. Do not covet. Be a gracious loser and a more gracious winner.

IX. Do not lie. Play by the rules. Victory is more bitter than defeat if you don’t.

VIII. Do not steal. Credit for the win belongs to the whole team, don’t take it for yourself.

VII. Do not commit adultery/ honor your commitments. Take your team responsibilities seriously. Bring your best to every practice and every game.

VI. Do not murder. The spirit is fragile. Keep it alive in yourself, your teammates and your opponents. Help them up when they fall, and don’t run up the score.

V. Honor your father and mother. It is harder to watch your child take a penalty kick than it ever was to take one yourself. Only parents can know this.

IV. Remember the Sabbath. Bodies, like souls, need rest days.

III. Do not use God’s name in vain. Honor God’s name with your play, for it is by His grace that you are gifted to play.

II. Have no idols. Play for the fun, exercise and competition, but not for the trophy.

I. Have no other gods. It is, after all, only a game. The Glory is always His.

Yes, I am convinced that God speaks soccer. He speaks to my kids as He creates soccer and life with them. He has high expectations. I hope they will come to trust Him as the Perfect Coach – one who has a no-fail game plan and confidence in them to execute it. One who stands by them, win or lose. This kind of coaching will inspire their practice, dedication and discipline, as a joy and not a duty. And isn’t that, after all, the essence of discipleship? I trust that they, too, will bring it to life’s other pursuits.

My current favorite T-shirt shows a bearded man with a crown of thorns diving to prevent a goal. It reads: “Jesus saves.” Now that is life!

Behind Before You Get Started!

It’s that time again: I call it overlap season.  That season when the school year events have not quite concluded, but the summer events have already begun.  Yes, my calendar is filled with end of year concerts, awards ceremonies, graduations and other culminating celebrations.  Even luncheons thanking the volunteers, but who can spare the time? 

If the calendar weren’t enough, piled on top are the errands.  The shopping for thank you gifts for teachers, office staff, bus drivers.  Don’t forget Sunday school, scout troop and soccer coach volunteers who have all kindly dedicated their time. So much to get done before the school year ends!

But the summer season will not wait.  Summer sports teams have started practicing, a summer job search for my oldest.  Camp sign ups with their deadlines nearly past threatening to put you on their waiting list.  Don’t forget father’s day cookouts, church picnics and firming up summer travel plans.  All of this is mandatory before the school year ends.

Oh, where are the lazy days of summer?  The ones I spent happily playing at the pool, perfecting my cannon balls and flips off the diving board.  My Mom, lounging comfortably poolside, catching up on her reading and chatting with the other mothers.  When bronzing in the afternoon sun was chic, not carcinogenic.

They are a distant memory.  I wonder how Mom survived overlap season.  Gift cards weren’t invented then and neither was the internet.  How did she keep schedules straight without an online calendar?  I had teachers and coaches and loads of extracurricular activities.  There were awards ceremonies and graduations and…some how she did it all.  Without the weight of overlap taking her down.  Or at least it didn’t show.

Maybe next year I’ll just purchase a nice selection of  gift cards in September, well before overlap season.  Hopefully I won’t be left holding the Victoria Secret card when the wonderful soccer coach Dad is the only one I have left to thank.  “Perhaps for your wife,” I will stammer.  “After all, it is overlap season.”